The Real You
Introduction to Kol Nidrei Eve Service 5783
Rabbi Sam Cohon, Congregation Beit Simcha, Tucson, Arizona
My favorite news story this year comes from Turkey.
In Bursa province in northwest Turkey, Beyhan Mutlu, 50 years old, went drinking with some buddies in a forest. He wandered away from his friends, and when he didn't return home all night, they reported him missing to the authorities. While Mutlu was sleeping in a house in the forest, military forces and rescue teams were called in to search for him.
Mutlu woke up the next morning, went outside and came across a search party. Trying to be helpful, he decided to assist in finding the missing person, and he spent an hour searching the forest with them. But when members of the search party started calling out his name, it dawned on him that he was the focus of the search, and he shouted “That’s me!”
As it turned out, he spent more than an hour looking high and low for -- himself. And, I guess, he found himself, too.
Which reminds me of the most famous routine of the great Jewish comedian, Jackie Mason, who died this past year, may he rest in peace. Jackie Mason began his career as an ordained rabbi, so it is not surprising that his monologues could become metaphysical. This particular shtick went like this:
“Thank God, now, I know who I am. But there was time when I didn’t know who I was, so I went to a psychiatrist.
“He took a look at me and right away he said, “This is not you.”
I said, “If is not me, who is it?”
He said, “I don’t know either.”
I said, “So what do I need you for?”
The psychiatrist said, “To find out who you are! Together we are going to look for the real you.”
I said, “If I don’t know who I am, how do I know who to look for? And even if I find me, how do I know if it’s me? And besides, if I’m going to look for me, what do I need him for? I can look myself... Or I can take my friends, we know where I was. And what if I find the real me and he’s even worse than me? What do I need him for? ... Let him look for me!”
“And the psychiatrist said, ‘The search for the real you will have to continue next week. That will be $500.’
And I said to myself, “If this not the real me, why should I give him the $500? I’ll look for the real me, and let him give him the $500. For all I know the real me might be going to a different psychiatrist altogether. Might even be a psychiatrist himself; I said, “Wouldn’t it be funny if you’re the real me and you owe me $500?” Indeed.
My friends, tonight we begin the search for the real you—or, I guess I should say, we each begin the search for our real selves. For that’s what Yom Kippur is all about. Not looking around at others, but looking inside at ourselves. Being completely open with God, yes, but most of all, being completely honest with ourselves. Searching deep to find who we really are.
Who are you, really? Who have you been in the past year? And who do you wish to be in this 5783 year?
That kind of honesty with ourselves is essential on this holiest of days. It is the only way forward from where we have been to where we wish to be, from what we have been to what we seek to become.
And so, tonight you begin the search for the real you—whether you have been lost in a forest or lying on a psychiatrist’s couch, buried in work, or wiling away empty days and nights. That is the most important thing you can look for: your best version of yourself. And while we begin that search tonight, we will spend more than the hour Mr. Mutlu spent looking for himself last year. In fact, we will spend 24 hours doing it, and will only complete that quest tomorrow evening at sunset.
May your Yom Kippur search be sincere, careful and complete. And may you find that the real you, the honest you, is ready to change for the better, ready to become who he or she is truly meant to be.
May you find the real you, and help them to a place of teshuvah, of repentance, repair, return, and growth. G’mar Chatimah Tovah.